totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
