So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
