Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
