yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
