Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
