make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
