I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
