He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
