yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
