Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They have beer where we have blood.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
