I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
