If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
