she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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