"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize