youre lurking in front of me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
