You can't special order awesome
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
