Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my liver is dry heaving
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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