i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
