Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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