I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
