Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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