I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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