I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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