Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
