How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
