planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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