Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
