I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
