he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
