so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
