Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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