I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
