my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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