wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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