i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
