Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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