its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
