Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
