Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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