Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
