suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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