brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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