I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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