so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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