My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
