I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
