Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
