You're completely useless in the revolution.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
