Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
