but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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