You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know