So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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