oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space