I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone