Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out