Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
