1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.