Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.