This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns