I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My life is pants optional.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
