why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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