This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
