I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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