roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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