Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
