Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
