I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
