new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
