Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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