so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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