I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
