I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
