so let's talk penis.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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