every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
