how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
