he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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