the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
