Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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