i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
