Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
