Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
