But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
