Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
