I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
