mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize