i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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